Why is "Why is Gordon Keith?"

Before we go further, I think we should clarify some of our intentions for this blog.

Yes, we are trying to playfully point out how the emperor is stark, raving nude. It is always fun to point and laugh at the naked.

However, we are not here to bash Gordon Keith the person. We are here to examine and vivisect the Gordon Keith machine.

Not Andrea Bocelli

Gordon Keith the person is probably a very nice, likable individual. Sure, his eyes are too close together and his head is oddly shaped, forcing him to grow his hair out to serve as some sort of slimming sheath for his mammoth skull. Gordon Keith the person can't help this. But do not cry for Gordon Keith's simian similarities. He most likely benefits from his resemblance to the Elephant Man, since media personalities usually have disproportionate head sizes that show up better on camera and lushly resonate on radio.

Furthermore, Gordon Keith the person seems to understand the full intent of our humble blog. Really, that has nothing to do with him having a sense of humor and everything to do with "Why is Gordon Keith?" being fucking awesome.

The Gordon Keith

On the other hand, the public entity that has become The Gordon Keith is far from human. It is a machine of mediocrity, cloaked in the dressings of a lovable yet smarmy douche-whistle. The Gordon Keith has been hoisted upon the masses, presented as a widely agreed upon comedic force. Unfortunately, the masses excepted this to be true without question.

That is what the masses does. Or do. Do the masses do or the masses does? Whatever.

It is not the job of the masses to decide for themselves. The masses must do as they are told. The masses must tune in to all manner of corporate garbage disguised as rebellion, watch their ass-awful television medical dramas, listen to self-righteous cable news blowhards, and buy tickets to fart-filled motion pictures.

The unquestioning masses must enjoy the antics of The Gordon Keith. It is what they do.

Does.

Whatever.

"Why is Gordon Keith?" is directed at the individuals that constitute these masses. Please, I implore you, stop eating the horse shit you've been force fed with a smile, believing it to be chocolate pudding just because a boardroom on a conference call packaged a pile of horse shit and smacked a chocolate pudding label on it.

They tell you it's pudding. You believe it to be pudding. But at the end of the day, horse shit is horse shit.